A Child's Breath Read online

  Frederick was too busy carrying out legal work for the New York and Erie Railroad at that time, after being referred by another one of his New York City Society clients, William Backhouse Astor Jr., to go with them as they toured the city. Homer Ramsdell, the President of the New York and Erie Railroad company had approached Frederick at his law office one day and wondered if he wanted to buy the stock of his company at an attractive price. Frederick leaped at the chance of going into business with one of the most well-known men in America at the time. He never even bothered to tell his wife Anna when he took all of their savings and invested it in the capital stock of the fledgling railroad company. Frederick sensed a big fortune could be made, and he did not want to miss his chance to strike it rich. The Midwest summer drought affected the prices of many agricultural products and offered the railroads the chance to take business away from the canal boats, by transporting the cereal grains to markets back east more quickly. He was also well aware of how wealthy his wife’s family was back in Baden, and he had struggled for years to secure their approval of his marriage to Anna.

  Johannes would come to visit Anna, Frederick, and Karolina for dinner and would play cards with them in the living room of their new home, drinking port wine and smoking cigars. Karolina began to feel less depressed surrounded by her friends and would even laugh at some of Johannes’ jokes as he tried to lighten the mood. Frederick would, in turn, tell the group about the legal matters he was handling for his New York City’s society clients and declare proudly how his firm was rapidly growing and adding new lawyers every day.

  Meanwhile, Karolina received a letter from Stanislaus asking how she was feeling and providing tidbits of information about the boys and the farm and life in the town of Delphos. Karolina tried to write him back but was unable to for she could not find the right words to express her feelings. The pain from the loss of her youngest child was still too great for her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Anna approached Karolina one day with a letter from the Dowager Duchess Stéphanie de Beauharnais addressed to her. The Duchesses’ spies had informed her that Karolina was in New York City and so she had written to her via Anna’s home address. Karolina opened the letter and read it quickly.

  The Dowager Duchess conveyed her sympathies to Karolina on the loss of her child, for she understood the unbearable pain she must be enduring. She also lost two sons at an early age and still grieved for them. As Karolina, was reading the letter, a handwritten entry from a woman’s diary fluttered to the ground. It was a copy of an entry in Harriet Beecher Stowe’s diary that she had shared with the Dowager Duchess. The passage described the death of her young child from cholera. At the end of her letter, the Dowager Duchess described how she read Stowe’s book “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” which was all the rage in the finest capitals of Europe and contacted the author directly to offer her congratulations. A correspondence between the Dowager Duchess and the author had developed and they shared stories about their families and children. Harriet discovered how the Dowager Duchess lost her two sons at an early age and enclosed an entry from her diary to her in order to comfort her. Stéphanie de Beauharnais forwarded the diary entry to Karolina to help bring comfort and to help her realize she is not alone in her grief for her child. Karolina read the following passage* with tears in her eyes:

  “Today is a rather dejecting day. I don't particularly feel like talking about it because my heart can barely take all the emotion of today. I am overwhelmed with confusion a sadness. Today my eighteen month old son died of Cholera. As I sat cradling him in my arms for the last minutes, the last breath of his short life, I could see the life being sucked right out of his small, frail body. His eyes were glassy and his skin was as dry as the dust on my boots. It felt as if the life was being sucked out of me the longer I sat there staring into his blank expression. He seemed so disconnected; So helpless. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. No way to help, all I could do was sit there and accept that my child was breathing his last breaths. I referred to him as my sunshine child. At only one year and six months, he lit up my day like the sun fills the sky with light and gives everyone a feeling of warmth. I will never forget my baby boy. Having experienced losing someone so close to me I can sympathize with all the poor, powerless slaves at the unjust auctions. You will always be in my heart Samuel Charles Stowe.”

  Harriet

  Karolina wept bitterly for the last time for her son. She resolved that if a famous novelist like Harriet Beecher Stowe could find the courage to continue, she would also carry on with her life. Karolina found the whole concept of slavery abhorrent to her. She recounted to Anna the stories Marguerite shared with them as they traveled together to Delphos. She vividly remembered how Marguerite told her about her captivity on a plantation in Louisiana and her heartbreak at seeing her husband sold and forced to move away from his family. Marguerite revealed to Karolina, how she had found out through a tight network of abolitionists called the Underground Railroad of how her husband had escaped and traveled up north in hopes of buying her and their two small children’s freedom. Marguerite confessed to her she never ceased loving her husband and looked forward to the day when she and her two small children would be reunited with him. Karolina retired early to her room that evening with a new zeal for life and a mission to help abolish slavery like Harriet Beecher Stowe.

  *Source: http://stoweh2.blogspot.com/2011/03/harriet-beecher-stowe.html/Civil War Diary: Harriet Beecher Stowe by Hannah L Copyright © 1999 – 2017 Google

  Chapter Fifteen

  Karolina asked Johannes the next day if he would go with her to an abolitionist meeting taking place that evening. He readily agreed as he enjoyed spending time with her and he also was interested in the abolitionist cause. Anna and Frederick were not as excited about attending any of those types of meetings. Frederick told them his legal clients had large property holdings in the south and many of the banks his law firm transacted business with had made large loans to southern plantations. He was concerned any effort at changing the slave economy too quickly would cause some of his largest clients to declare bankruptcy and then put his law firm out of business. He urged caution to Karolina and Johannes when they went to any of these meetings.

  As the days progressed, Karolina was beginning to feel more and more alive as she continued to attend abolitionist meetings with Johannes and also attend parties in the homes of New York Society with Anna and Frederick. Anna loaned Karolina expensive gowns for her to wear, and she was flattered by all the attention from the gentlemen in attendance at these parties. She found herself flirting with her gentlemen dance partners and they would try to impress her with their talk about money and business. These parties usually lasted well into the night, and she would arrive back late to Anna’s and Frederick’s home. Johannes would always watch her at these soirees as she would dance while he played cards with the older men at the party. He would intervene if a man became too close to Karolina and would, in turn, rescue her when she had too much to drink. Karolina knew the round of parties and the drinking of alcohol would not bring back her son but it seemed to dull the pain she still felt. She would then go back to her small bedroom by herself to sleep every night.

  One evening Anna brought another letter to her, this time from her husband Stanislaus. Karolina began to tear up as she read the letter, but caught herself and took a deep breath. Anna asked “What was the matter? Was it bad news?” Karolina shook her head and folded up the letter and placed it with her evening overcoat on the table in the foyer. She went back to her bedroom and lay on the bed being careful not to wrinkle her evening gown. As she lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, she thought of how hard her life was back in Delphos contrasted with the parties, fine homes, and furnishings of the society ladies and gentlemen she had met in New York City while staying with her friends. Meanwhile, Johannes entered her room and watched her lying in the bed in the full evening gown. He spoke to her “Karolina, excuse me. Do you still want
to go out this evening?”

  Karolina looked up at him startled, broken out of her reverie. She sat up on the bed, and she forced herself to say “Of course, I am going. I looked forward to going to the party this evening with you all day” so she rose from the bed and straightened her dress as Johannes smiled and went back down the hall to fetch their coats. The New York City air was beginning to chill in these first days of autumn, and so he grabbed Karolina’s overcoat while the letter it contained fluttered to the floor. He told Anna and Frederick that Karolina would be out shortly and would join them as he went downstairs to hail a carriage for the group.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The opening of the Academy of Music building was the social event of the season that evening of October 3, 1854. It was the world's largest opera house at the time, with a plush interior and four thousand seats arranged on five levels with a relatively inexpensive admission price. Recently, the structure had been built with funds by a handful of investors including private boxes for New York City’s wealthiest residents to separate them from the average patrons. The building was located off Union Square in one of the most fashionable neighborhoods in the city and the opera season would become the center of social life for New York's elite.

  That evening the Max Maretzek Italian Opera Company would be performing Bellini’s, Norma and many of New York City’s “Upper Ten Thousand” as the wealthiest residents of New York City were known, would be in attendance. They included such luminaries as Caroline Schermerhorn Astor, her husband William Backhouse Astor Jr., James Roosevelt Sr., and the current Senator from New York, Hamilton Fish who descended from Peter Stuyvesant, the first Dutch Governor of New York. Anna and Frederick were also invited to attend the grand opening of the Academy of Music courtesy of one of Frederick’s law firm clients, and so they brought Karolina and Johannes with them.

  Frederick spotted these wealthy members of New York City Society during the intermission and walked up to each of them to introduce his wife, Karolina, and Johannes who were trailing after him. Many of their wives would perk up when Frederick would tell them of his wife’s and Karolina’s attendance at the wedding of Scotland’s Duchess of Hamilton. He never grew tired of repeating this story to such a haughty crowd and would then hand out his business cards as he finished. Anna would bask in the adulation of such prominent women but Karolina would only mumble “Pleased to meet you” and then perform a small curtsy. The gentlemen would bow and kiss Karolina’s hand and welcome her to the city and ask her if they may visit her with a wink of their eye. Their wives would grow uncomfortable at their husband’s flirtations and considered Karolina a threat to their marriages. Karolina, however, would only blush and turn away to talk with Anna.

  After a while, Anna pulled Karolina aside and begged her to stay in New York City. “I can’t bear to see you go again!” She exclaimed. “Look at how popular you are. We’ll find a nice home for you and your children right in my own neighborhood. Please stay, please. “Anna pleaded with her. Karolina stopped her and said “What about my husband? How would he make a living?” Anna paused, furrowed her brow and said. “Oh, I forgot about your husband. Frederick may be able to find him a job. He can work on all the new buildings going up throughout the city. There is plenty of work for a stone mason in New York City!” She said proudly realizing that she was able to come up with a solution for the problem of Karolina’s husband.

  Anna then told her “I’m going to have a baby!” She whispered as if afraid Frederick would overhear. “I haven’t told Frederick yet, I was waiting for the right moment.” And she squeezed Karolina’s hand. Karolina laughed and said “I am so happy for you and Frederick!” and gave her a hug. She then turned and smiled at Frederick, Johannes, and several gentlemen smoking cigars in the bar with drinks in their hands. Johannes saw her looking his way and waved at her while he resumed his conversation with one of Frederick’s law firm partners.

  In the excitement of all the attention lavished on her by Anna’s friends and the members New York Society, Karolina conveniently forgot how tired and miserable Stanislaus had been working with the construction crews in Cincinnati. He told her at the time that he felt trapped working construction jobs in America. It was even worse than performing menial jobs in Baden, he complained to her. “At least while living in Baden under the Grand Duke, I did not need to work 24 hours a day to make a living.” He would mutter this every morning at dawn during breakfast before he left to go to his job on a construction site in Cincinnati.

  Karolina did not think of such unpleasant things as she stood that evening in the beautiful lobby of the new Opera building. She thought she would enjoy living in this city while attending the constant round of teas, receptions, parties, and cotillions with Anna’s new friends. The next act of Norma was starting, and she could hear the orchestra tuning up their instruments. Her gown swished as she hurried after her friends to find her seat before the lights went down in the beginning of Act Two.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After the Opera performance that evening, Karolina and her friends returned home. Anna excused herself and retired to her room for the evening. She had grown tired meeting so many of Frederick’s clients during the intermission of the Opera and Frederick soon followed his wife.

  Karolina and Johannes sat alone by the fireplace. The fire was burning down and Karolina draped a soft blanket around her shoulders. Johannes sat next to her and stared into the slow burning embers of the fire. They both sat silently for several moments until Karolina spotted the envelope she left behind earlier on the table next to her chair.

  “Oh my, it is a letter from my husband. I wonder what he wants.” Karolina feigned surprise and showed the letter to Johannes. Frederick had found the letter on the floor in the foyer and placed it on the chair table next to the fireplace for Karolina. Karolina began to reread the letter.

  Stanislaus had written to her to inquire about when she would return to Delphos. The two boys missed their mother dearly, and he wished she would return home to be with them. He also told her about several other families that she knew who had perished during the height of the cholera epidemic. Mother, father, and children had all perished and their cabin was burned down to stop the spreading of the disease. Orphan children in the small town were being adopted by other surviving settlers. Some of these orphans were only infants and would have their given names changed to fit in with the rest of their new family members.

  A tear began to run down Karolina’s cheek when she read the part Stanislaus wrote about her two boys and how well they were achieving in their new school. Father Bredeick and several other teachers were holding classes with instructions in English, and American history and the boys were learning a great deal. Stanislaus wrote how the boys had grown an inch, and he needed to buy new clothing for them from the general store almost every other week. In a postscript, Stanislaus told her how Peter had run away after the death of Clara and his parents were missing him terribly. The last thing anyone had heard of him was that he had gone out further west to Chicago to start his own general store and only written his parents to declare to them he would not return because it was too painful for him. His father was now running the Delphos general store by himself, and he hired a free black man to help him load and unload cargo on the canal docks once a week.

  Karolina refolded the letter and decided to tell Anna and Frederick the next morning that she would return to Delphos. She was mulling over in her mind how she was going to break the news to Johannes. He was watching her read the letter and then he turned to stare into the fire when she finished. Karolina decided to blurt it out, throwing caution to the wind. “I will be returning to Delphos soon,” but Johannes did not say anything and kept staring into the fire. She then patted his arm in relief and said “Johannes, I hope we will always be friends because I appreciate how you helped me to live again. I will never forget that. I hope someday you will be able to visit me in Delphos. You are always welcome, I hope you know that.”


  Suddenly, Johannes turned towards Karolina and stared into her eyes. He brushed a small wisp of hair away from her face while she smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed her passionately holding her in his arms. She kissed him back but then stopped herself suddenly and drew backward. She stood up quickly and stammered “I can’t, Johannes. I love my husband and I miss my children. You better leave, it is getting late!” And she walked around the room wringing her hands.

  Johannes, with a surprised look on his face, also stood up. “I understand, Karolina. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want you to leave me. Karolina, I have always loved you and will never forgive myself for driving you away from me, so many years ago in Baden.” He pleaded for her to stay but then realized he was making a mistake as she had already made up her mind to leave. He struggled to regain his composure, and then he bowed and said to her “All right, we can still continue to be friends if you wish. I only hope the best for you and your family in Ohio. Have a good night” and turned to leave. Karolina looked after him with sadness while he gathered his overcoat and other belongings. He looked at her also once more hoping she had changed her mind but knowing in his heart that he had lost her many years ago. Instead, he tried to burn her beautiful image in his mind forever as he walked out the door. With tears in her eyes, Karolina quickly walked to her bedroom after Johannes had left. She sat down at the small desk in her room and lit a candle to write a brief letter to Stanislaus telling him she was returning home to Delphos as soon as possible. She also wrote that she looked forward to being with him and the rest of her family as they celebrated Christmas.